Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
