i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
