Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
