So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
