hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
