her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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