dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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