Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
