There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
