Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
