Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
