Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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