her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
