This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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