You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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