I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Success! We fucked roommates!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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