just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
