I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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