He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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