You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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