woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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