you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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