True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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