i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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