dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
