Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.