So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do