i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee