The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in