Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.