how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
