Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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