We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
