i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
