Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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