I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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