you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Of course I have a pirate flag
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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