Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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