I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
