I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
