This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
