Just mADE A PArabola og urine
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
