theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize