Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
