the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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