I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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