You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
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so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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