So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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