someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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