Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
