"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
