Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
