that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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