Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
