I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
