I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
