I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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