Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
