i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
