My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
