watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
