She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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