at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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