Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
