The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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