if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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