Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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