I think my vagina is haunted
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will pee on everything he values.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
