he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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