You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
