So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
