I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
