I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
