it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
