at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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