Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
