shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
