But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
