toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
