She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she told me i tasted like america
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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