our cab driver is having phone sex.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
