I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
