u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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